I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing, I sit here day after day after day in my house, doing the same ol routine. I think I need to move, I love it here, I really do, and I love my home, but I'm driving myself crazy and can't afford another vehicle. It's hard even for me to understand where I'm at in this place of my life, if someone asked me what was wrong, I wouldn't know much what to say, but if they asked me if I was ok, the truth would be....well, Idono half the time, I'm stable. I beleive in God, I beleive Jesus died for me, that won't change. Do I know how to live this God-life....no. Not really, I know I love God and He wants me to love people, but I think I've been living it all wrong...not all wrong, just concepts and stuff. I just wish someone had the answer. And the only one who does is Jesus Christ, God Himself, the Word of God. Us as people are so messed up sometimes, but that's why we all need Him. If you're struggling today, ask Him for help, He will help you, it may not be the way you expect, but it may also be just the way you expect. All I know is He is real. Whethor you beleive it or not, He IS. And He loves you. Sometimes I don't understand this life, but I know He's soverign. And, unfortunatley, pain is a part of this world. That's what sucks. Some things hurt so bad, some have it sooo much harder than others, stupid sin. God's intention for us wasn't sinful, but man/woman gave in to it, so now...well, there's a lot of death and pain and loss....and ..... sin. We have so man voids! And in an instant world we want it filled immediately with something that satisfies. If I didn't beleive in God, I'd drink probably almost everyday. Why not? Well, maybe I wouldn't for my kids, but if I didn't have kids, party would be my life, what would there be to live for? We're all gonna die anyways, life's just a ball of pain! But, there IS a God and He DID die for you, and He can give a peace that "passes all understanding" I don't understand it, or how He does it, but God is perfect, He is and I know a few times, a couple being very VERY difficult times in my life, especially one time when I thought I was going to lose absolutely everything, well, I had such a peace, that even if I did, everything was going to be ok. I don't understand it, even if you asked me questions, I wouldn't be able to answer all of them, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, He's real, cry out to Him, you don't have to be perfect to cry out to Him, or to be saved, or to be forgiven, there's no such thing as a perfect christian, none of us are, some of us know more than others about different persons/places/things or whatever, but we're all messups that need a God who is real! And He's right there, waiting for us to answer His call.
I think pain keeps a lot of people from talking/trusting/accepting God. I don't understand it all 100% either, but there is an enemy who also has his own demonic angel things...or whatever, God does NOT approve of him or what he's caused, but God gave us our own free will, that we do what we choose....and the enemy chooses to try and destroy us and take down as many as he can and ...whatever....if there's someone to be mad at, it's him. God sent HIS OWN SON to die for us because of the sin in the world. I can't imagine having to do that.
Whoever's out there listening, I love you guys! But man's woman's love cannot compare to a savior like Christ who came to die for us, it just can't compare, preacher, mother, father, teacher, best friend, child, whoever will always fail you, sometimes in the smallest way, sometimes in the biggest way....but God will never forsake you! Just talk to Him, and be real with Him, He already knows everything about you, things you don't even know....and He's waiting to listen to you talk to Him....just try it, pray and ask and cry out to him. <3

A Mixed Up Heart...

What do you think caring is? An action word or a feeling? Or both? I feel like I care for the whole world! But I beleive it's also an action word, what's that scripture, if you can do something (to help someone out) and you don't, then it's sin? Something like that.... I was thinking it's like faith, you can have faith, but without works it is dead....is that how caring is too? Hmmm, just something I was thinking about... I think a lot of people have some lonely hearts.... from leaders to kids...maybe we can do something....:)

Well, home from work and eating raisin bran. Yuck, but I have to eat healthier! I'm trying to get healthy, I feel so much better when I do! Ben's off to an appointment at 9 and I have one for Owen at 1:30. In between, hopefully there'll be some sanding and painting and maybe laying floor? We'll see, Ben hasn't been feeling that good.
Oh dear God, please let this be a productive day! Love you! ttyl:)

well, went for a walk to get the mail! What a beautiful night! I'll be so happy and feel so much more free-er when it gets a few degrees warmer, say 10 degrees! So excited! So, I'm off to work in half and hour, I don't mind going, we'll probably watch the olympics all night and do our word/suduko puzzles! yay!
Owen's rash is finally healing up, thank you God! I never use cornstarch unless it's a bad one, and this one was a bad one! Poor little guy, I can't stand it when my kids are in pain. Found some good teaching and stuff online!

http://www.ihop.org/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000036428
Check it out! I've only looked into a few, I really like this group though, pretty much everything they do is free and on the web and they're very focused on worship and prayer.
Well, I got to go spend some time with my family and a hot chocolate before I head to work, hopefully we won't forget the garbage tomorrow and it won't snow too much! God bless ya's! ttyl! :D
Over and out.

I forgot about this blog...it's been a long time! I have to say I miss writing...being a stay at home mom that pretty much never gets out unless it's to shop or work or church, this is a nice escape. I'm not gonna write too much, just sitting here checking out tweetdeck.com and thought I'd find my blog again! I gotta go convice Cody to go for a walk with me to the store...lol! ttyl!