I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing, I sit here day after day after day in my house, doing the same ol routine. I think I need to move, I love it here, I really do, and I love my home, but I'm driving myself crazy and can't afford another vehicle. It's hard even for me to understand where I'm at in this place of my life, if someone asked me what was wrong, I wouldn't know much what to say, but if they asked me if I was ok, the truth would be....well, Idono half the time, I'm stable. I beleive in God, I beleive Jesus died for me, that won't change. Do I know how to live this God-life....no. Not really, I know I love God and He wants me to love people, but I think I've been living it all wrong...not all wrong, just concepts and stuff. I just wish someone had the answer. And the only one who does is Jesus Christ, God Himself, the Word of God. Us as people are so messed up sometimes, but that's why we all need Him. If you're struggling today, ask Him for help, He will help you, it may not be the way you expect, but it may also be just the way you expect. All I know is He is real. Whethor you beleive it or not, He IS. And He loves you. Sometimes I don't understand this life, but I know He's soverign. And, unfortunatley, pain is a part of this world. That's what sucks. Some things hurt so bad, some have it sooo much harder than others, stupid sin. God's intention for us wasn't sinful, but man/woman gave in to it, so now...well, there's a lot of death and pain and loss....and ..... sin. We have so man voids! And in an instant world we want it filled immediately with something that satisfies. If I didn't beleive in God, I'd drink probably almost everyday. Why not? Well, maybe I wouldn't for my kids, but if I didn't have kids, party would be my life, what would there be to live for? We're all gonna die anyways, life's just a ball of pain! But, there IS a God and He DID die for you, and He can give a peace that "passes all understanding" I don't understand it, or how He does it, but God is perfect, He is and I know a few times, a couple being very VERY difficult times in my life, especially one time when I thought I was going to lose absolutely everything, well, I had such a peace, that even if I did, everything was going to be ok. I don't understand it, even if you asked me questions, I wouldn't be able to answer all of them, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, He's real, cry out to Him, you don't have to be perfect to cry out to Him, or to be saved, or to be forgiven, there's no such thing as a perfect christian, none of us are, some of us know more than others about different persons/places/things or whatever, but we're all messups that need a God who is real! And He's right there, waiting for us to answer His call.
I think pain keeps a lot of people from talking/trusting/accepting God. I don't understand it all 100% either, but there is an enemy who also has his own demonic angel things...or whatever, God does NOT approve of him or what he's caused, but God gave us our own free will, that we do what we choose....and the enemy chooses to try and destroy us and take down as many as he can and ...whatever....if there's someone to be mad at, it's him. God sent HIS OWN SON to die for us because of the sin in the world. I can't imagine having to do that.
Whoever's out there listening, I love you guys! But man's woman's love cannot compare to a savior like Christ who came to die for us, it just can't compare, preacher, mother, father, teacher, best friend, child, whoever will always fail you, sometimes in the smallest way, sometimes in the biggest way....but God will never forsake you! Just talk to Him, and be real with Him, He already knows everything about you, things you don't even know....and He's waiting to listen to you talk to Him....just try it, pray and ask and cry out to him. <3